The stinging pain of being rejected seems to be gone. There was once a thought that I’d never be able to live without her, but I’m beginning to see that I’ll be just fine. I’ve got good people surrounding me. Thank God for BIGO. I don’t feel so alone when I have my friends from BIGO.
I thought I had the chance to finally settle down and share a life with somebody. Being with her felt so good. Aside from the paranoia and other mental health issues, stuff that she told me about ahead of time. she was truly perfect. She’s going to make somebody as happy as I was someday. It sucks that I won’t be around to it.
But I do feel better. It was supposed to go this way. There’s a bigger plan and a better set of goals. We both deserve happiness. I’d still do anything for her but the distance has helped me work on losing the obsession. I can focus on me now.
I haven’t found a new home yet. I’m probably being too picky. I deserve to be. I want to stay in one place for a long time. I want to be comfortable and to settle down. I’m boring and I just want peace. I’ll get there.
Creepy Steven is back causing me headaches again too. I think Marie is finally going to handle it. She’s had enough. I’m really grateful for her. It’s nice because I can focus on being her friend instead of trying to get intimate with her. I need a woman like that in my life. Angela is like that too. They’re just solid homies. That’s the balance I need between a woman’s care and somebody I can get personal with.
Life seems like it’s going to be ok. Thank God I didn’t have the courage to pull the plug on myself. A permanent solution for a temporary problem is what that would have been. Somebody’s looking out for me, that’s for sure.
